Masquerade

It’s dark in this small cell but that’s not the reason my vision is impaired. My eye is swollen shut and my loafers are soaked through. If they weren’t Italian leather I’m sure they would have fallen apart after all they had been through today.

It’s funny how one little thing can change your entire existence. I was living the American dream in California. I had wanted to be an actor since I was eight years old and experienced Mardi Gras for the first time. I wanted to be like those people dancing and singing through the streets. I admired the free spirit of their celebration and I hoped to live a life where I could do what made me happy rather than what was expected.

I had not spoken to my mother in five years not only because of the way I left home but because my agent found out I was one-fourth black.

“When were you going to tell me?” Fred asked me.

“I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.” I answered.

“Wow Aiden, you really don’t understand what’s going on here.”

“I haven’t talked to them in over two years.”

This statement seemed to soothe him because he fell silently into his chair.

“We have to keep things that way.” he stated. “You can’t ever speak to anyone in your family who isn’t white.” He grabbed my chin. “You hear me?”

“I hear ya.” I mumbled. I kept that bargain for two years but one letter changed everything.

It was early morning when my mother contacted me. I had gone outside to get the daily paper and decided to check my mailbox. Flipping through the letters, mostly junk mail, I came across my mother’s script. I hurried back into my home to open the letter; with a shaky hand I slowly opened.

My dearest Aiden,

I forgave you for leaving the moment Kenneth came back. I have known where you were but I always figured you would contact us if you needed to. I hope you are eating okay and taking care of yourself. The girls have seen every one of your movies, don’t worry they haven’t told anyone you are related to them. I just wanted to say that I miss and love you.

Your loving Mother,

Jade

Against Fred’s wishes I packed my bag and was on the next flight to New Orleans. As soon as I stepped into the Louisiana air my lungs were seasoned with Cajun spice. My mouth watered and my empty stomach growled. I caught a taxi to my old neighborhood but there were no vendors there. The entire town had changed so much from the haven it was when I was a child. There were colored and whites signs in store windows and over water fountains. People of color were stepping around whites on the street. Even those browner than me moved out of my way. I pulled my jacket closer to me trying to keep out the cold not just from the weather but the people. The smiling faces that had one greeted me were gone and I wondered if everyone I knew had moved. Everyone with color had a look of despair.

When I knocked on the door to my house the woman before me wasn’t my mother.

“Julia?” I gasped pulling my sister in my arms. She still smelled like the lotion my mother used when she was a baby. Her hair was up in a bun and she wore a small amount of shimmer on her eyes to bring out the hazel color.

“Who’s at the…” Rosalie’s voice trailed off as she took in the sight of me. I guess time hadn’t done me too bad either. The middle child, and oldest while I was gone, had turned into a gorgeous adult. Dark brown hair that almost looked black flowed over her shoulders and contrasted her deep green eyes. “Come in.”, she suggested while grabbing my hand. Julia followed suite and the two pulled me into the living room.

“What’s all this commotion at the door?” my mother asked without bothering to turn away from the stove. All three of us stayed quiet. “What in the world is the matter with you two?” she turned around to see me and re adjusted her grip on the bowl she was holding. “You came back...” She hurried over to me pulling me into a bear hug.

“I am so sorry for leaving the way I did.”

I was eighteen when I graduated high school, but I had no intention of attending a university in the fall. My mother wanted me to go to Xavier University of Louisiana but I refused. It was predominately colored and despite my ancestry I felt no connection to the people there. I had the gift of “passing” as everyone called it; my hair looked straight when kept short, my eyes were light brown, and my skin had only a hint of color during the summer. The parents of the girls I grew up with began to approach my parents about marriage. Every other week my mother was making dinner for some girl and her folks. When asked about my plans for the future, my mother answered. I was viewed as the perfect specimen of a husband not because of my personality or skill but because each girl was hoping that I would pass on my gift. I felt like a dog being bred and I hated my mother for it.

“A man needs a degree Aiden.” She told me as she whisked through the kitchen preparing dinner. No amount of money could curb her love of cooking.

“Dad doesn’t have a degree and he is doing fine.” I argued having a seat at the oak table.

“Your father is from a different time.” I watched as Rosalie handed my mother a spice she was looking for. She smacked the back of my head when I leaned on the table. “You know better than that.” I rubbed my head wishing I had remembered. My house was the largest on Royal Street, making the butt of jokes that I was the prince of the French Quarter. In my neighborhood money equaled worth so your possessions were more important than your behavior. Living in a home too big for her family, cooking in a kitchen that should be in a hotel, and owning only hand- made clothes made my mother a saint in the eyes of my neighbors.

“I have plans.”

My mother smirked at me. “Like what?”

I swallowed and took a deep breath feeling the curious eyes of Julia and Rosalie bearing into my back. I had usually followed orders so my defiance had become a spectacule. “I am going to Hollywood to become an actor.” The idea obviously appalled my mother because she narrowed her eyes like I had cursed her.

“You want to do what?” I noticed my sisters shrink back. “That is absolutely out of the question! You will go to college or work for your father.”

“I won’t do either.” I yelled back. “I won’t sit here and wait for you to find me a girl to marry.”

“Do you know what life out there is like?” she growled, angrily pointing to some place far away. “Prejudice and judgment are waiting for you. Our world is nothing like the one out there. Do you know how my father died?” I shook my head. “He was murdered because he was a black man married to a white woman. That is why my mother moved me here, so that I would be as far away from that mentality as possible and here you are ready to run back to it.” She sighed and her body relaxed. “If you want to see what the world is like take a vacation before school, go visit your father’s family in France.” She fell into the nearest chair. “Do you know why I married your father?” I shook my head ‘no’. “Just look at yourself and sisters.” I glanced at my seemingly white skin.

A few days after that conversation, I broke my leg jumping into a shallow pond. I screamed until I passed out and when I woke up I was in the hospital. My two best friends; Kenneth and Aaron, showed up with some of my favorite junk food.

“Man that looks bad.” Aaron said poking at my cast. “Does it itch?”

“It’s cool.” I replied opening one of the bars. “So where is my mom?”

“She couldn’t come.” Kenneth answered. I looked at my two best friends, confused.

“This is a white hospital Aiden.” Aaron whispered.

“What about my sisters?”

“You know you’re the lightest one…” Kenneth joked but I wasn’t amused. That’s when I first began to question who I really was.

Los Angeles was nothing like my hometown. There were so many cars the sky looked black from the exhaust. I covered my nose and mouth with my shirt. Kenneth was the one to drive me, telling his parents he wanted to see his aunt in Arizona. I began my new life with one hundred dollars to my name and all my possessions in the duffel bag over my shoulder.

I was in line at an audition when I first saw Philippe. He was standing behind me reciting his lines in French with his eyes closed.

“Are you looking for a place to stay?” Philippe asked me after the audition.

“Why?”

“I found a place but there is no way to afford it by myself.”

“So you’re looking for a roommate?” he nodded “Do you have a job?” he shook his head. “Well this just might work cause I have one of those.” He gave me a huge smile, showing all his pearly white teeth before patting me on the back.

“We’ll make a good team.”

The motel I had been staying in wasn’t the best but the apartment Philippe had found was beyond repair. The refrigerator worked only when it wanted to, occasionally wasting the little bit of groceries we could scrape together. The cooks in the Italian restaurant that we worked at usually felt bad for us and would pack us dinner whenever we had nothing to eat. I could tell the different in sauces with my eyes closed and to this day I can eat Italian food only once a month. Our carpet was discolored and molding in the corners of the single room we shared. Our bedroom, kitchen, and living room all one with a separate bathroom. I realized how much water I wasted back home after the first month’s water bill. My showers became only five minutes long and I shut off the water when I was brushing my teeth. Sleeping on an old couch and having to catch a bus every where I wanted to go made me appreciate and miss home, especially my mother. Two people living in our slice of space still had to budget like crazy to keep the lights on. One time I forgot to pay the bill and Philippe damn near killed me. He helped me became a man than my own father. Living with the Frenchmen I learned how to do laundry, cook, and how to clean. He showed me how to appreciate life even in dire conditions. I hadn’t laughed as much as when I lived with him and to this day I’m thankful for meeting him.

My break came when I was imitating our boss.

“Aiden, if you were any less charming I would fire you.” I grumbled with a hunched back and squinty eyes. My coworker and partner in crime couldn’t contain the laughter. “I have no idea what you are laughing at Frenchie, if it wasn’t for me you’d be back in Europe dealing with those blasted Germans.”

I noticed his face straighten out and I prepared myself for Mr. Cotta’s angry face but instead I saw a different small man.

“You got something special kid.” the man said. He extended his hand but I didn’t shake it. “You don’t trust me?”

“I don’t know you well enough to trust or distrust you Mr.…”

“Clancy, but you can call me Fred.” he stated as he handed me his card. “When you are done being skeptical give me a call.”

I couldn’t help the shocked look when I walked into Fred’s office. His secretary made me take off my shoes before I could even go in. The two doors were from the floor to the ceiling and I had to use all my strength to push them open. Fred’s desk was black wood, his chair white leather. The two chairs in front of his desk were black leather and there was a blood red couch on the side of the room.

“To be honest I never thought you were coming to see me.”

“Well here I am.”, I shrugged. I was sick of being overworked and underpaid, my desire for fame had not left me but I was well aware of the release acting had provided. Each audition was a portal which leads me to another place, away from all my issues. I knew what was going to happen and everything happened according to plan.

“Is there a name to go with that face?”

“Aiden Christensen.”

Stroking his chin he circled me. “Hollywood needs a new face and I think yours is it.” He smiled. “You are going to make a ton of money.”

Two years, three films, four radio interviews, five television appearances later I was the hottest new young star in Tinsletown. Women wanted me, men wanted to be me, and just about every director said I was easy to work with. I seemed to have a perfect life but you need to know where you came from to know where you were going so that’s why I jumped on that plane once I never my mother had forgiven me.

“No one knows about us.” My mother guessed as we walked through our backyard.

“My agent doesn’t even know I’m here.”

“You just up and left?”

“I got your letter and wanted to see you.” she nodded with raised eyebrows as if she was surprised. “A lot has changed around here.”

“You see that already huh.” I silently agreed. “With your father gone I am the beneficiary so these white men think they can just bully me into selling.”

“Why don’t you just give it up? It’s not worth the trouble.”

“Not worth the trouble? This is more than just some space of land, this is about our rights.”

“Things aren’t the best but it’s better to just go with the flow.”

“Going with the flow huh.” she laughed in my face. “That approach has kept you away from your family for all this time. I married your father so you could have any and everything you needed, not to pretend to be something you aren’t.”

“Do you realize you just totally contradicted yourself? You want me to reap the benefits of looking white without forgetting I’m black?”

She grabbed me by my ear then twisted it. “A little bit of quick money doesn’t make you a man Aiden, remember that.” she shoved me away. “Obviously there was a break in communication.” She sighed. “How long are you staying?”

“Just a few days.”

I was supposed to leave without looking back. I was supposed to return to my life in California without acknowledging my roots but instead I ended up marching with my family. I was heading to the corner store after dark like I had always done as a teenager and I saw a young black boy run past. Seconds later two white boys followed. I was supposed to mind my own business but instead I gave chase running into an uncomfortable situation. The white guys had tripped the black guy and begun to beat him.

“Get away from him!”

“Whatcha gon do bout it?” the biggest guy asked. “You one of them Nigger loving Yanks?”

“I’m telling you to let this boy go. He’s not even sixteen.”

“Telling us.” the biggest one laughed let out a bellow that flashed his dingy teeth and wide gap. “This Nigger lover is really going to try to tell us what to do.” His fist connected before I could even think and the fight was on.

I was left with a swollen eye and busted lip. The next morning the police officer let us all but the black guy go. He didn’t have the gift he didn’t have the gift so there was no telling what would happen to him. I walked all the way home because no one could pick me up. I might have been thrown back into the cell.

“What the hell happened to your face?” Julia asked when I stumbled into the house

“I bet he tried to break up one of the sun down beatings.” Rosalie added.

“It was right what you did.” my mother said. “And you need to bring them up on charges.”

“If I do that I’ll surely end up in the press.”

“Is that more valuable than addressing these issues? To be honest there is no reason for these stupid curfews. We are people, not animals to be caged when not supervised.”

“There’s a march to Biloxi tomorrow.” Julie squealed.

“We’re all going.” Rosalie stated. “You should come…”

When I was marching in the crowd I was just like anyone else. The pounding hoses of water showed no mercy. I was choked by the pressure, my lungs felt like they were collapsing. Screams of women and the laughter of the police filled the air. Looking at them I wondered how any human could take pleasure in what they were doing. I lost my mother when the chaos erupted so I have no idea what shape she is in. I saw a grown man, not even an officer, trying to drag my sister off. I fought him with all I was worth only to be attacked by dogs. As I sit in the corner I take in the men around me. In the dark we all look the same and there is no difference between the darkest and the lightest man. This movement is something that will better the society as a whole and if I have to loose my status just because I’m not white then that’s fine with me. I’m tired of hiding; I hope that one day I can be judged on the content of my character rather than the color of my skin.